Divorce Mediation Center

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS – FAQ’S


1. What is Mediation?


2. How Does Divorce Mediation Work?


3. How Long Does Divorce Mediation Take?


4. Emotional Results of Mediation Compared with Litigation


5. How Much will a Litigated Divorce Cost?


6. Cost of Mediation -Why is Mediation Less Expensive?


7. What Issues have to be Determined Before I Obtain a Divorce?


8. Do I Need Grounds for Divorce?


9. What are the Grounds for Seeking a Divorce in New York State?


10. Do We Have To Wait One Year To Get Divorced?


11. Can A Couple Who Is Angry With Each Other Use Mediation?


12. Mediation Benefits the Children


13. Can I Withdraw From Mediation?






1. WHAT IS MEDIATION?

Mediation is a process where couples negotiate an acceptable agreement with the aid of a mediator. A mediator is a neutral third party who assists in the negotiations; however, the mediator does not make the decisions for you.

At the Divorce Mediation Center our mediators have over twenty years of experience in working with people to resolve disputes. We are experienced at finding out what the problems are, and exploring the options with you. You make the decisions, we help you.


2. HOW DOES DIVORCE MEDIATION WORK?

At the Divorce Mediation Center, we use a co-mediation system to help keep a balance during the mediation. We take about a half an hour on the first session to thoroughly discuss how the process works, and to make sure that both parties are in agreement in going forward.

Once we are under way, we begin discussing the issues that the parties will need to agree on before an agreement can be prepared. At the Divorce Mediation Center we use a checklist that we have prepared especially for the purpose of the mediation. We have over twenty years of helping people work their way through all of the elements of a divorce. We make sure that the parties will come to a practical and workable solution.

Most parties have already agreed on approximately 80% of the issues on our checklist before they walk in the door. The other 20% are made up of issues that haven’t been considered by a couple, or are issues that are difficult to resolve without the help of mediation.

We start working on getting the agreement detailed out immediately. During negotiations, we look at the big picture, and help the parties understand the options. In this phase, it often becomes apparent that there are areas where flexibility can be used to achieve a fair and practical resolution.

When all the issues have been agreed upon, there are a couple of options. The Divorce Mediation Center can prepare a mediation agreement setting forth all of the terms of the agreement, or, there are times that the parties may decide to move forward with putting the issues into a legal format.

Under some, but not all situations, the couple can hire the same lawyer to put their terms of agreement into a separation agreement (or a stipulation of settlement), and then move forward to a divorce. Many couples decide to hire the firm of James L. LaPann Esq., P.C. The parties are reminded frequently throughout the mediation that they can and should get the opinion of a separate lawyer if they have any questions about their rights. In mediation, we do not give legal advice or counsel.

If a couple decides to hire the firm of James L. LaPann Esq., P.C., then a stipulation of settlement or a separation agreement is prepared and thoroughly discussed before any signing of documents takes place. We make any revisions that are needed.

Before signing, some individuals have the document reviewed by a separate lawyer. Once the agreement is fully completed and agreed upon by both parties, it is signed.

This document can become the foundation for an uncontested divorce. An uncontested divorce can be pursued immediately. Or, the parties can decide to remain in a separated situation, under the terms of a separation agreement.


3. HOW LONG DOES DIVORCE MEDIATION TAKE?

Sessions usually last one hour. However, when we are nearing a final resolution we will sometimes extend beyond one hour to get the matter resolved.

The number of sessions varies depending on the complexity of the issues and the needs of the parties. Successful mediations usually take from one to four sessions. We can schedule these sessions as frequently as the schedules of the parties and the mediators allow. The sessions are usually held in the evening.


4. EMOTIONAL RESULTS OF MEDIATION COMPARED TO 
    LITIGATION

The reality of a divorce court trial is that most litigants walk out of the courtroom feeling as if they have just been hit by a truck.

Therefore, for most divorcing or separating parties, their feelings after trial are not those of elation, but of disappointment, emotional and financial devastation. In any instance of a delighted divorce court victor, there is the other spouse who feels defeated or even humiliated. Often, both parties feel like they lost the case.

And, for couples with children, any short-term "spoils" of the battle may be considerably less valuable than the long-term benefits of preserving a working relationship with the other parent. Even when both parties do find courtroom results reasonable, legal fees and emotional costs exact their toll on parties and their families - sometimes a crippling one.

On the other hand, by using Divorce Mediation, we see many couples emerge encouraged. They are encouraged that despite the fact that their relationship did not survive, they were able to work together so that they did not lose everything that they had worked so hard to achieve and that they were in agreement with the terms of their separation.

At the Divorce Mediation Center we also see a tremendous amount of relief at the end of the mediation process. Within as little as two one-hour sessions, a couple has resolved most if not all of their issues. The rest of the process will be without conflict. Although it is a big transition, the parties often move into that transition with encouragement and relief that things weren’t as bad as they thought they would be.


5. HOW MUCH WILL A LITIGATED DIVORCE COST?

It depends upon how complex your issues are and how much conflict you and your spouse have. In the adversarial (litigation) system, each spouse has their own lawyer and has to pay the full fee to their own lawyer

Attorneys ask for a retainer of approximately $2,500.00 to $5,000.00 before any work begins.

In divorce mediation, you do not need to bring in a retainer; you pay as you go so that you are not building up any large fees.

For preparation of the separation agreement and any work on the divorce paper work you do pay in advance, but it is a reasonable fee. At the time of the divorce, there are also filing fees for which you are responsible. However, you are given the list of fees so that you can financially prepare for them when the time comes.

As noted in a recent New York Times article, the average cost of a traditional divorce handled in court is $8,000-$20,000. And this bill may be run up over many months or even years as a result of lawyers' delaying tactics and overburdened court calendars.


6. COST OF MEDIATION - WHY IS MEDIATION LESS EXPENSIVE?

Mediation is less expensive than going through the process of adversarial lawyers. First of all, there are no retainer fees. The mediator will charge a fee per hour which is usually shared by the parties. There is no up-front $5,000.00 retainer fee in mediation.

Second, the most expensive part of litigation is coming to an agreement on the issues of custody, visitation, child support, and the division of assets and debts. In mediation, we get down to the core issues quickly and efficiently to help you solve these problems.

Third, separate attorneys are not negotiating for you by the hour, so you are saving big fee costs.


Also, as the parties find there are many areas in which they agree, the process itself encourages a constructive and more amicable dialogue. The couple is encouraged by their progress in areas that seemed insurmountable, and they find the remaining issues to be more easily resolved than they ever thought possible.

Mediation is much faster and less costly than going to court. The average mediation takes approximately one to four one-hour sessions, with a total fee from the beginning of mediation to the completed divorce (including filing fees) of about $2,000 - $2,500. Typically these expenses are shared by the parties, so each party’s costs are usually a little more than one thousand dollars ($1,000.00) This estimate varies depending on the complexity of the issues and the cooperativeness of the parties.

The divorce mediator is specifically trained to help couples with communication problems and is usually very successful.

7. WHAT ISSUES HAVE TO BE DETERMINED BEFORE I OBTAIN A
     DIVORCE?

A matrimonial matter may involve one or more of the following issues:

1. Division of marital property and debts (Equitable Distribution);
2. Child support and spousal support (maintenance);
3. Custody, visitation, and shared decision-making for your children.

At the Divorce Meditation Center we will walk you through the process from start to finish and we will make sure that your agreement has all of the necessary issues covered. We also bring our experience to the table to help you work out practical solutions that will work in the real world.


8. DO YOU NEED GROUNDS FOR DIVORCE IN NEW YORK STATE?

Yes, in order to get a divorce in New York State, you have to have grounds.


9. WHAT ARE THE GROUNDS FOR SEEKING A DIVORCE IN NEW
    YORK STATE?

Below are listed the major grounds for divorce in New York State:

1. Cruel and inhuman treatment
2. Abandonment
3. Adultery
4. The husband and wife have lived separate and apart pursuant to a decree or judgment of a separation or a separation agreement for a period of one or more years.



10. DO WE HAVE TO WAIT ONE YEAR TO GET DIVORCED?

No. If the parties have agreed on the equitable distribution issues, child support and maintenance, and put them into a separation agreement or stipulation of settlement, the parties can move through an uncontested divorce within a few months.

11. CAN A COUPLE WHO IS ANGRY WITH EACH OTHER USE 
       MEDIATION?

Yes. A common misconception about mediation is that it is only for couples who get along. Actually, mediation is extremely effective for the high-conflict couple who is most susceptible to the escalating tensions of an adversarial process. All good mediators have an arsenal of tools they use to reduce anger, focus the parties on the relevant issues, and move the couple out of the areas of disagreement to agreement.

Anger can be expressed in mediation and in fact, it is a valuable tool for a mediator to use to not only resolve the divorce, but also to help shape a better divorce agreement. In mediation anger is a clue that there is an important piece of information which has not yet been expressed, and which must be explored and understood.

Anger tells the mediator that someone has important needs which are not being met. When someone is angry we want to hear how they are feeling and I want to understand why they are angry. In mediation, anger gives us a key to use to shape a divorce agreement.

Once the area of disagreement has been resolved, the anger seems to disappear.

12. MEDIATION BENEFITS THE CHILDREN

In our experience, the most remarkable aspect of mediation is how it benefits the children. Poor school performance and general depression are a concern.

Sometimes, spouses are so caught up in their anger at each other that they don't see the extent of the children's pain. Children need loving, consistent attention and assurance that the divorce is not their fault and that their parents still love them.

In mediation, we focus on resolving issues as quickly as possible so that the stress on the family is greatly reduced. By having resolutions to problems, the family can focus on moving forward with their lives. The mediator helps the parents work TOGETHER for the benefit of the family as a whole.

13. CAN I WITHDRAW FROM MEDIATION?

Yes. Divorce mediation is a voluntary process. This means that both you and your spouse must be willing participants. If either you or your spouse is not happy with the progress of the mediation, either one of you may withdraw at any time.